For a while, I was on a roll...a dating roll, a blogging roll, but now...I'm standing still. I can't blog about dating online if, well, I'm not. I am still an active participant on these sites, but, let's just say that every dater goes through a drought.
I'm pretty thirsty.
Part of the problem is the same old, same old. Once you've been on these sites for a while, you see the same profiles time after time...everyone has pretty much decided who they want to contact and who they don't. So, if "hotnumber45" didn't want to date me when he checked out my profile on Thursday, chances are that the feeling will remain the same when I see his profile on Saturday. But, it works both ways. In turn, if I don't want to date "foreveryourboy" on Monday when I see his profile, I will feel the same way on Wednesday when he sends me an instant message. See my point?
I know that dating is feast or famine...but there is tumbleweed rolling around at the moment...that's ok...it will pick up again, and I will get back into the dating swing of things when it does.
Again, I by no means enjoy dating many men, but it's what needs to be done in order to find the right fit...the old sayings about kissing a lot of frogs and needles in haystacks are certainly true!
But, I do believe, with all of my heart, that he is out there...and when I find him-well, it will all be worth it.
8.23.2009
8.12.2009
That's Just Shady...
The title of this post is what my good friend Brooke told me when I told her the following story:
Ron was on point. He called when he said he would, communicated well and was affectionate on dates. Date number two was pretty great, so when we planned a third, I was looking forward to it. We decided on a Sunday. Ron had plans that morning, and I had plans in the evening, so we agreed on a 2:00 meet up.
At about 12:30 that day, I got a text from Ron apologizing for needing to reschedule our date that afternoon. I wrote back that it was no problem, and that I hoped all was ok. And I meant it.
Once again, cue the crickets.
I am a pretty good communicator in general. But, among the men I date, I really try especially hard. I want to stay as far away from the game playing that many daters subscribe to. Agree or not, I don't wait 24 hours to return a call or text to someone I am dating just to make them wonder what I am doing and to make them think that my life is fabulously full of friends and fun. My life is pretty full, but there is certainly time in it to send a text message.
So, I was kind of surprised when Ron never replied to me. Furthermore, if Ron didn't want to continue to get to know me, why would he have asked me for a third date?
So, when I broke it down for my friend Brooke later that day, she had three words to share: "That's just shady." Brooke's theory involves the fact that she believes many men are online dating fresh from a breakup and when they "disappear", they are really just back with their exes. Food for thought.
When I was watching a discussion among the other "Fab Four" not those British Invaders, the American Manhattan-ites (Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte-the ladies of the famed HBO series "Sex and the City"), they were discussing just this subject: when the men we date disappear, where do they go? Miranda shared that she pretends they die. More (harsher) food for thought. I'm not quite there...I don't wish ill will on these men, but c'mon...don't cancel a date via text and then vanish. Can you say "coward"? I can...I've gotten good at it.
So, Ron is history along with many others. And that's ok. But, I am glad to know that I am not alone in these experiences. That is precisely why I DVR those episodes of "Sex and the City".
Ron was on point. He called when he said he would, communicated well and was affectionate on dates. Date number two was pretty great, so when we planned a third, I was looking forward to it. We decided on a Sunday. Ron had plans that morning, and I had plans in the evening, so we agreed on a 2:00 meet up.
At about 12:30 that day, I got a text from Ron apologizing for needing to reschedule our date that afternoon. I wrote back that it was no problem, and that I hoped all was ok. And I meant it.
Once again, cue the crickets.
I am a pretty good communicator in general. But, among the men I date, I really try especially hard. I want to stay as far away from the game playing that many daters subscribe to. Agree or not, I don't wait 24 hours to return a call or text to someone I am dating just to make them wonder what I am doing and to make them think that my life is fabulously full of friends and fun. My life is pretty full, but there is certainly time in it to send a text message.
So, I was kind of surprised when Ron never replied to me. Furthermore, if Ron didn't want to continue to get to know me, why would he have asked me for a third date?
So, when I broke it down for my friend Brooke later that day, she had three words to share: "That's just shady." Brooke's theory involves the fact that she believes many men are online dating fresh from a breakup and when they "disappear", they are really just back with their exes. Food for thought.
When I was watching a discussion among the other "Fab Four" not those British Invaders, the American Manhattan-ites (Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte-the ladies of the famed HBO series "Sex and the City"), they were discussing just this subject: when the men we date disappear, where do they go? Miranda shared that she pretends they die. More (harsher) food for thought. I'm not quite there...I don't wish ill will on these men, but c'mon...don't cancel a date via text and then vanish. Can you say "coward"? I can...I've gotten good at it.
So, Ron is history along with many others. And that's ok. But, I am glad to know that I am not alone in these experiences. That is precisely why I DVR those episodes of "Sex and the City".
8.06.2009
Skipping To The Dumpster
There is no telling how much longer I will be an off and on online dater. My hopes are that it will be for a very short time. However, if the past is any indication, this will not be the case. I am a healthy, educated, 35 year old woman. I have friends, a full time job, my own home and a wonderful family. Sounds like a great catch, right? That is what I thought until I entered the world of online dating. Since the breakup of my first long term relationship in my mid-twenties, I have been on and off the three most well known dating sites. I even met and lived with a man (out of wedlock-for SHAME!) I met on one of them. When our relationship ended, I was still quite hopeful that the right guy was out there: someone funny, employed, caring and who wanted children. The standards were completely reasonable, in my opinion. This should not be too hard to find…I am not looking for perfection…just an all around good guy. Simple enough, right? Not so much. Read on.
There are some “interesting” men out there. Granted, I am only writing this from my own female perspective. I have no doubt that some of my fellow females are running the good name of our gender into the ground as online daters as well. But since I am “woman seeking man” I can only share my own experiences in meeting various men. I participate in online dating for what I think are the right reasons: I am genuinely interested in meeting a man to build a relationship with and perhaps marry and have a family with one day. My pictures do look like me and there is not one untrue word in my profile. I have learned that I am in the minority here.
I have met men with sexual fetishes, men who mentioned their ex -wives repeatedly, men who were rude to our restaurant servers, men who didn’t look a thing like their profile pictures and men who asked me to have sex with them on the first date. (No judgment to those out there who do have sex on the first date, that is just not my personal choice). And, then there was “Ben”, a man who I hit it off with. Great phone chats that led up to a wonderful first date. He told me he thought I was beautiful and that he couldn’t wait to see me again. We set a date for three days later. You guessed it-I never heard from him again.
Men have instant messaged (IM’d) me and asked me-a stranger –if they could come to my apartment and have sex with me (um, no). I have had various men IM me asking me about my personal preferences in bed…it went something like this:
Him: Hey…how are ya?
Me: Good…you?
Him: Great…what kinds of things do you like in bed?
Ummmm, hello? Are you kidding me?
And let’s not forget Mickey. Mickey was a man I spotted online one Friday night and something about him caught my attention. So, I requested an IM session with him, and he complied. The fact that he lived on the other side of the country was definitely not working in my favor, but I told myself that I must keep an open mind to find love. You never know where that perfect mate is….
Mickey and I went on to have a terrific phone and IM relationship over the next couple of months. We had long talks deep into the night and our communication became part of our day to day. So, imagine my thrill when Mickey came to my town for a visit. To my delight, it was incredibly comfortable being face to face with him. I was reeling with excitement…until…well; let’s just say he had some difficulties in the bedroom. These were issues that he’d mentioned on the phone, but I either refused to acknowledge them or foolishly thought that I was the woman with who these difficulties would not appear. Boy was I off the mark on that one. After a few days of uncomfortable attempts, Mickey went to visit relatives who lived near my apartment, saying that he’d be back that night. He never returned. Bonus points for you if you saw that one coming---I sure didn’t. I will admit that I cried my eyes out over this one…I could not believe that another man had disappeared on me. But, after many discussions with my girlfriends about this (yes, Mickey, they know every detail now), I realized that this was about HIS fears and shortcomings (sorry about the choice of words here) and that he “ran” out of sheer embarrassment. Funnily enough, Mickey had left some clothes behind at my place. Eventually, off to the trash they went. I actually think I skipped to the dumpster to toss his stuff.
I don’t only rely on online dating, either…I put the word out to all of my friends that I am looking to meet someone special, and try not to decline an invitation anywhere…you never know where that special someone will be. But, being that I am an Elementary School teacher, and not a bar hopping kind of gal, online dating seems like a logical choice at the moment.
I know the old cliché: you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, and have heard it from every friend and family member I share my dating tales with. At this point, I am going to need some serious lip balm from all this “kissing” I am metaphorically engaging in. Now, where did I put that Chapstick…
There are some “interesting” men out there. Granted, I am only writing this from my own female perspective. I have no doubt that some of my fellow females are running the good name of our gender into the ground as online daters as well. But since I am “woman seeking man” I can only share my own experiences in meeting various men. I participate in online dating for what I think are the right reasons: I am genuinely interested in meeting a man to build a relationship with and perhaps marry and have a family with one day. My pictures do look like me and there is not one untrue word in my profile. I have learned that I am in the minority here.
I have met men with sexual fetishes, men who mentioned their ex -wives repeatedly, men who were rude to our restaurant servers, men who didn’t look a thing like their profile pictures and men who asked me to have sex with them on the first date. (No judgment to those out there who do have sex on the first date, that is just not my personal choice). And, then there was “Ben”, a man who I hit it off with. Great phone chats that led up to a wonderful first date. He told me he thought I was beautiful and that he couldn’t wait to see me again. We set a date for three days later. You guessed it-I never heard from him again.
Men have instant messaged (IM’d) me and asked me-a stranger –if they could come to my apartment and have sex with me (um, no). I have had various men IM me asking me about my personal preferences in bed…it went something like this:
Him: Hey…how are ya?
Me: Good…you?
Him: Great…what kinds of things do you like in bed?
Ummmm, hello? Are you kidding me?
And let’s not forget Mickey. Mickey was a man I spotted online one Friday night and something about him caught my attention. So, I requested an IM session with him, and he complied. The fact that he lived on the other side of the country was definitely not working in my favor, but I told myself that I must keep an open mind to find love. You never know where that perfect mate is….
Mickey and I went on to have a terrific phone and IM relationship over the next couple of months. We had long talks deep into the night and our communication became part of our day to day. So, imagine my thrill when Mickey came to my town for a visit. To my delight, it was incredibly comfortable being face to face with him. I was reeling with excitement…until…well; let’s just say he had some difficulties in the bedroom. These were issues that he’d mentioned on the phone, but I either refused to acknowledge them or foolishly thought that I was the woman with who these difficulties would not appear. Boy was I off the mark on that one. After a few days of uncomfortable attempts, Mickey went to visit relatives who lived near my apartment, saying that he’d be back that night. He never returned. Bonus points for you if you saw that one coming---I sure didn’t. I will admit that I cried my eyes out over this one…I could not believe that another man had disappeared on me. But, after many discussions with my girlfriends about this (yes, Mickey, they know every detail now), I realized that this was about HIS fears and shortcomings (sorry about the choice of words here) and that he “ran” out of sheer embarrassment. Funnily enough, Mickey had left some clothes behind at my place. Eventually, off to the trash they went. I actually think I skipped to the dumpster to toss his stuff.
I don’t only rely on online dating, either…I put the word out to all of my friends that I am looking to meet someone special, and try not to decline an invitation anywhere…you never know where that special someone will be. But, being that I am an Elementary School teacher, and not a bar hopping kind of gal, online dating seems like a logical choice at the moment.
I know the old cliché: you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, and have heard it from every friend and family member I share my dating tales with. At this point, I am going to need some serious lip balm from all this “kissing” I am metaphorically engaging in. Now, where did I put that Chapstick…
8.04.2009
It's All Around Me...
On my way home from a lovely girl's lunch last week, I happened upon this billboard...
See? It's all around me. Remiders that women are everywhere perhaps should feel somethng is missing if you are, indeed, single.
I am a big TV watcher. And a hopeless romantic. Dangerous combination when watching the commercials created to let people know that online dating sites have changed the lives of former singletons who have entered the exclusive world of couplehood. It all starts with a monthly membership fee and the click of a mouse. I watch these people twirling around my TV screen, professing their love for one another. It actually makes me think that I too can find the love of my life with a credit card and some time. I turn off the TV, go on with my day, and think...hmmm...maybe I should join too. That, my friend, is some good advertising. (Note: I have been a member of this particular site, but am not at the moment)
Whether on TV or a billboard, it is, all around me. What exactly you may ask, is all around me? I am referring to the notion that couplehood is more important that being a single person. The idea that life is complete if you have someone to cook dinner with at night. It's like when you get a blue car; you notice everyone around you has a blue car too. Same goes for this kind of thing: I am single and 35. I notice couples and families out there. Sue me.
But, the younger version of Julie the dater, I admit, felt that my life would be more complete if I were part of a couple. But, as I age, I come to realize that, yes, I absolutely do want to meet that special someone to share my life with. The difference now is that I am already very happy with what is all around me-now. A great family, terrific friends and a job I love. THAT is the stuff I want to keep all around me. Anything or anyone else will be the icing on an already pretty delicious cake.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
